Monday, June 7, 2010

There's no more US

June the 6, 2010.
This was the day when I finally drop the B word.
Goodbye and I really don't wish to see or hear anything from M.
SHIT happens and I really have to make a stop in it.
Full-stop.

I used to think that his the one for me.
The one and only guy i want to be with for the rest of my life...
To have a family of our own, a future together...
This is really saddening.
And the sadness feels endless.

I thought i can be strong
That i wont cry
That i wont bother
That it's ok
But the truth is...
The crying just wont stop

The disappointments are just to unbearable
To have put so much feelings and hopes on one person
SILLY ME

Going through this alone.....
In a shit hole
Where I'm pretending to be strong

Maybe all guys are the same
After they have the girl in their hand, they just take them for granted ^.^.
And that their boring
Not understanding
Being ridiculous
Its normal... this is world.

When i told him we can actually get marry, he said no cause his ideology is that after marry we need to have kids ASAP.
If cant no point.
The reason is CLEAR and SIMPLE

It was very heartbreaking to hear that.
It feels like at the end, our relationship is purely for kids and nothing else
Four years of what??
SHITS

But at the end of the day he just said it was a joke.
Hahahahaha
As if i don't know how to differentiate when is he joking.

Its very funny when he said tat I'm over sensitive or being ridiculous
When the fact is his been busy talking on the phone with another gal
Receiving friendly SMSs

That he just suddenly decided to cancel out our date after an hour late
But poor me... waiting and anticipating
WHOLE DAY

His busy this, busy that
Too busy to pick me, but it just so happened that his busy but able to pick other girl somewhere near for me to see that.
So unlucky of him.

Everybody thought i was being emotional and made the decision out of impulse, childish.

How can they say that??????
They don't even know what are the stories behind.
Just because i din cry o show my temper outside
Just because i din complaint

Well, cant blame them, not like i told them what really happened.

But when i tried to save our relationship
I was accused of dint try my best

when the truth is that i even waited for him to finish talking on the phone with another gal etc etc.

i remembered so clearly when there are few times when we had lunch together with his other friends
he totally forgotten abt me
walked and left me behind
Left me in the mall to accompany other 'friend'
Saying she needs help to buy clothes for her sister
So again i was left aside
ok... i have no right to be "angry"

when i asked him to go to the mall with me
he was angry.
he said its a waste of time
that he needed to rest
That I'm not understanding enough for asking him to accompany
Once a month seems to be too much
but i saw him out shopping with his other friend..

When he made promises that he dont even intend to make
again I'm not being understanding enough
Izzit too much when i requested to be with him just once a week?
YES his 'busy' 24/7

When i was blocked in his FB by his other friend...
We quarreled
The reason was because I'm 'crazy'
Because i was curious why i was blocked by his other friend
and that im funny for bothering about things like this
but don't u think its even funnier when he din think his other friend is weird n funny for blocking and deleting his own fiancee?

and its funny cause WHY can she access his FB account?

How can you expect me to bear with all this again and again?
It happens once, and it happens twice...
Till I've lost count of it

So I've learned to be more understanding enough
To set him free to do whatever he wants

When i finally made an end to this, he blamed his other friend.
But it was actually him himself that permit it to happened


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